In “Heather’s Helpful Hints” (email being sent out on 1st June – make sure that you have signed up for it) I explain that the focus in the month of June will be relationships and my last couple of blog posts have been about Weddings; either dealing with parents who are no longer together or whether you are marrying the right person.
Recently I have been working with clients, with relationship issues such as:-
- “why can’t I meet the one?”
- “why did I choose the wrong one?”
- “the one I am with no longer fulfills my needs”
- “my relationship is over and I feel scared and alone”.
Relationships are a huge learning curve!
If you haven’t yet met “the love of your life”, you need to look at yourself first.
There is no “wrong” one, just a learning curve of experience.
Some relationships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime, so if your partner no longer fulfils your needs, the learning between the two of you has been done or if it hasn’t, then you will attract someone else but still discover that you are learning the same lessons.
If an end of a relationship leads to feeling scared and alone, that is normal. As humans we don’t like change and having a blank future can be seen as frightening or on the other hand, exciting!
While some people dream of wealth, big homes and fabulous lifestyles, others dream of something different, more simple – like their first love or if re-entering the dating scene rediscovering love all over again.
The more we love, the better we feel about ourselves.
In our culture dating couples come in all shapes and sizes with many active singles having already passed through some form of intimate relationship perhaps venturing out again. Aiming to ‘have fun’ is important motivating factor for dating but as with all things making each date worthwhile can make it all that much more fun and memorable. For many that may require bolstering that old confidence and self esteem.
Even the most perfect potential mate out there may not be recognized on the first date. It may be a time to discover that you’ve just become friends as there is no “chemistry” yet…. and going out on a second date may be what you need to fully FEEL if this potential mate is right for you.
Dating is that magical gauntlet that helps us learn about that other person so that we can lay a strong foundation. Whether the relationship ends up being ‘the one’ or not there’s no reason not to aim high from the beginning.
Establishing a healthy and exciting new relationship means being ready to create ‘the perfect date’ every time you plan a first date. Humans are tremendously complex creatures with many levels of needs.
- Sex doesn’t win a mate’s heart.
- Intellectual conversation doesn’t win a mate’s heart.
- It’s communication from your heart to their heart that WINS every time! Honesty, sincerity, vulnerablilty and being comfortable in your own skin is what shines through.
Everyone hopes to find that perfect relationship, right? So each date has the potential to be truly special event which makes it a potentially nerve wracking and insurmountable obstacle for some.
So much cultural focus revolves around love, sex and sexuality. Television shows, advertising, films, magazines, the internet, sex seems to be everywhere we turn. But some are limited from living this by conditioned reaction or past traumas.
The key is to TREAT EVERYONE WITH LOVE AND PUT JUDGEMENTS AND CRITICISM ON HOLD. Love All
Love can never be exclusive. The sun does not choose to shine on some flowers in the garden and not others. Love is inclusive and has many faces – caring, listening, sharing from the heart, just accepting someone for what they are right now, are all acts of love, as long as you seek nothing in return. It all starts with acceptance of yourself – you’re just fine as you are right now, warts and all. It’s not that you will stay that way for ever – but you might, if you don’t accept. The secret key to the greatest door called love is acceptance. First your self, then others (especially the ones you currently resist) and eventually …all.
To attract, heal, or balance relationships is to realize that the most
important relationship you have is with yourself, every other
relationship follows from there.”
Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards” We have to learn from experience, otherwise we keep making the same mistakes and taking them into each new relationship.